GAËL

In the morning. I am quiet.

My voice has not risen from where it settled in the bottom of my lungs

Motions dusty

And still slumbering.

 

Outside is a pale green and when I look past the window

Sometimes

your roman-cut face swells in my mind.

Deep sunken eyes,

Of the lightest color,

Reflecting the sea,

Burdened by lashes.

 

I think now that maybe the whole time I was in love with you.

 

Your island is unreachable

Located somewhere beneath the stars and above the clouds

I find myself always looking up when I think about you.

Looking for your dream world

Walking circles on the moon

And touching white hot stars

 

These days you have fallen.

Corkscrewing to the bottom of the earth

Swallowed by the same sea

Which you once controlled, riding the waves

With the salty air lashing your lungs.

These days you have fallen.

 

You are always sinking.

 

Little prince. Little bird.

That way you walk

A ghostly saunter

The way you glide along the ground, as if you aren’t touching it at all

I don’t think I have ever heard your footsteps.

 

I spent so long being scared of your affection

Don’t you realize that I was protecting you?

And it was the most gallant thing I have ever done.

 

I wonder if it would comfort you,

Heal your bruised heart,

If you knew that mine was bruised too-

That with each pump

I feel the blood

Rushing to those tiny blue veins

And that it burns. so badly.

Swollen by beatings and brittle to the touch.

 

I want to grab you and explain that I was trying to save you,

Not break you into a thousand shattered pieces.

I never knew I had that power

And I hate it

Nobody can be complete, destined to float on.

a human shell. Zombie.

the jackles which haunt us tearing apart the little that is left

howling in satisfaction.

 

Little prince. Little bird.

I want so much to be healed by your gentle touch

J’suis maso

Choosing this pain

Which wakes me up at night gasping to breathe

So that you don’t have to.

Do you not understand?

 

Oh you,

I want to brush the length of your nose

And kiss you so soft and so sweet

And put my head in the crook of your neck

To be cradled.

 I want to kiss you.

So soft.

and so sweet.

So that honey will fall from your lips.

 

 

To never be repeated again.