Monday, July 27, 2009

THE FIRST TRY SINCE MAYBE NOVEMBER

In those faintly lit moments when

I barely open my eyes and

the thin transparent eyelid

mapped with wispy veins

barely reveals the gray shapes of reality which loom behind it.

When I finally sit up and arch my back

Stretching taught muscles

Willing my spine to start breathing again.

 

When I lay on my back with my knees carelessly laid open

and look at the pictures covering my walls.

In the hours spent walking around this city

thinking about slipping and falling

Wishing for more coffee

noticing that no one else is trying so desperately to make eye contact.

 

After brushing my hair with my fingers

catching the dead loose strands

taking slight pleasure in seeing how many there are

And once I finally lay down to fall asleep and

 

sort of  pretend like I can feel the weight of his body

 

 

regardless of how fleeting they may be--

in these moments, I am finally whole.

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